LAFAYETTE, LA – Uh-oh! Keep your eyes peeled and remain fully alert – President Barack Obama has been spotted lurking around Lafayette neighborhoods in what appears to be a last-ditch attempt to come and take away every single firearm he can lay his hands on.
The President – who only has 6 days left in office – clearly intends to make good on the conservative assumption that he’s coming for everyone’s guns. Initial reports suggest that he is fully kitted-out in Mossy Oak clothing, presumably to try and fully blend in to the area without anyone really noticing. Smart.
With under a week remaining, he’s clearly against the clock on this one. But kudos to him, he clearly believes that he’s got what it takes. Residents are fully urged to keep their doors and windows locked to decrease the chances of the President making his way into households.
There’s also unsubstantiated claims that Joe Biden has been seen acting as a decoy, striking up conversation with potential victims about how he once headbutted David Duke at a New Orleans bowling alley in the 90’s, giving Obama a clear opportunity to enter properties unopposed.
But let’s face it, he’s the President. So there’s a strong chance that he has a master key for every house in the U.S. anyway, or at the very least a Harry Potter-style invisibility cloak.
Maybe we just need to accept the inevitability of our guns being taken away. Stay vigilant.