LAFAYETTE, LA – Having been devoid of any real marine exhibits before, Lafayette surprised residents today by announcing the immediate opening of ‘Gulftown’, a city-wide aquarium experience that offers an extremely hands-on approach to marine education.

The attraction, which has been hastily constructed over the last 24 hours, covers 50 square miles and spans almost the entire city.

Nick Halliday, General Manager of Gulftown, explained that this is a unique experience.

“This is the first attraction of its kind, without a doubt”, he said, “It was a very last minute decision to construct this monumental exhibit, but we all feel that it will pay off. Educating residents about the Gulf will no doubt help them appreciate it more, and the hands-on factor will make it fun for kids and adults alike.”

Halliday also explained some of the exhibits that will be on offer.

“We have a wide range of activities at Gulftown”, he said, “There are plenty of petting zoo areas located all over town which will give people the chance to see the creatures of the Gulf up close and personal. We also have numerous kayak rental points, as well as asshole truck drivers driving way too fast giving first-hand examples of how wake’s work and the physics behind them.”

“We also have a lazy river if you’re looking to wind down. Dinghy points are located at the Acadiana Mall and Downtown Lafayette, and generally loop around the city via West Congress and Kaliste Saloom. Don’t forget to pick up some Dippin’ Dots before you begin the ride! And try to avoid any debris.”

Officials also announced plans to enlarge the attraction, and expansion construction is already heavily underway across the rest of the state.

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