LAFAYETTE, LA – With renovations getting underway at M.L. Tigue Moore Field baseball stadium, the University of Lafayette announced this morning that they have contracted in the guys from the 1992 movie The Sandlot to lead the charge in retrieving 40 years worth of lost baseballs from the house next door.
The house, occupied by what is only known as ‘The Beast’, is said to contain over 800 baseballs that have been struck from home-runs throughout recent history, most of which have been hoarded by the barbarian. And with few people having witnessed this creature before, no chances are being taken.
Stephen Jardeaux, lead designer behind the refurbishment, explains why they were brought in.
“We contacted several companies to see if they were interested in undertaking the project”, he explained, “But each and every one flat-out turned it down, claiming that we couldn’t pay them enough blood money to retrieve the baseballs. But we received a lot of tips claiming that these Sandlot kids we’re the real deal, and had experience in this sort of endeavor before. They were more than happy to jump on board.”
And Jardeaux says that everything is both going to plan, and on time.
“They moved in a couple of days ago and set up their equipment”, he confirmed, “They set up a strange pulley-looking device that’ll probably lower one of them over. Some kid named Smalls was the one who volunteered, I think. I hope he knows what he’s getting himself in for, we’ve heard some strange noises coming from over that wall. But it looks like they’re professionals and we hope to retrieve all 800 or so baseballs within the next few weeks.”