LAFAYETTE, LA – In what has been described in the past as “River Ranch at it’s finest”, the neighborhood is once again gearing up for it’s annual ‘Running Of The Designer Handbag Dogs’ event this coming weekend.

The event, which sees a select few pure-bred pups that all have a lineage that can be traced back to King Edward VI (1537-1553) chase residents through the perfect streets of River Ranch, with the ultimate goal of avoiding having their yoga pants and Nike running shoes gnawed on and covered in saliva.

The event, which is based off of Pamplona’s ‘Running Of The Bulls’ event, is in its 7th year. Organizer Jaqueline Rios said that she expects this year to be the best yet.

“We’ve all been working very hard to ensure that this year is the biggest we’ve had”, she said, “We’ve had over 400 people sign up for the event so far, which coincidentally is roughly the same amount of people running down Camelia Blvd at any given time of day.”

She also explained that this year’s event will have an added twist.

“This year we’ve replaced the diamond-encrusted dog collars with cheap, nasty ones from PetSmart”, she explained, “This should force the runners to run that little bit faster. I can’t imagine too many people from the area would want to be seen within three feet of them. There was also talk of attaching some pieces of Waygu rib-eye steak to the backsides of the runners, but we couldn’t import it quickly enough. Maybe next year.”

But Rios also emphasized the importance of safety, claiming that every effort has been made to make sure it runs smoothly.

“We know that things don’t always go according to plan”, she said, “Accidents happen. So we’ll have approximately 50,000 tubes of Clorox wipes on hand in case of dog saliva, as well as thousands of lint rollers to remove any dog hair that may find its way onto designer clothing. Safety is paramount.”

The event kicks off at 12pm on Saturday.

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