CUPERTINO, CA – Huge news came out of California yesterday at the Apple conference at their headquarters in Cupertino, with the announcement of the new iPhone SE – a smaller phone than it’s predecessor.
However there was even more excitement for Louisiana residents, as Apple introduced a first look at the iPhone SE ‘Mais Yeah!’ Louisiana Edition – a version that is tailored to the traits and the needs of people within the state.
Apple CEO Tim Cook gave a presentation of the exclusive device to a handful of Louisiana folk who were at the conference.
“Louisiana is unique”, he said, “We know that you guys have certain needs, certain personalities. This new “Mais Yeah!” version of the iPhone SE will make your lives way easier.”
Cook also gave a short preview of some of the setup screens, and explained how they work.
“As you can see here, you’ll be guided through the setup by your friend and mine, Edwin the Brown Pelican. He’ll be here to make sure you’re up and running in no time. The first port of call is to check that you’re literate. If you’re not – no worries. You can still use the rotary phone feature to take you back to a simpler time. If you can read, you’ll then be given an option to choose a language – English American, or French. Because we all know that everyone in Louisiana falls into one of those two categories.”
Cook went on to list a huge number of features of the iPhone, such as:
- Built-in festival locator, that will angrily shout at you if you don’t attend said festivals.
- Alarm that goes off every 30-minutes to remind you to call your mom/grandparents to talk about unimportant local gossip.
- Choice of four ringtones – zydeco, cajun, French, or swamp pop.
- ‘Advanced Selfie System’ (ASS) – every time you take a selfie, it will complement you – before talking crap behind your back to another iPhone SE in the immediate area.
- Alerts that lets you know when Norman Reedus is in town.
- Built-in rice cooker timer.
- Built-in sobriety testing feature.
- Real-time crawfish and Bud Light pricing charts.
- Brand new ‘thoughts and prayers’ emoji’s.
“Honestly we’re going to be adding more and more features with each and every software update, so we’re very excited to be bringing this phone to Louisiana”, he said, “If all goes well then we may start rolling out other state-exclusive phones. But we’ll see how it goes.”
The iPhone SE “Mais Yeah!” Louisiana Edition is available for pre-order later this week.