DELCAMBRE, LA – Voting season is once again upon us in Louisiana, with the primaries in full swing. And with the advances being made in the way that we vote, it’s quicker and easier than ever to do.

This year Vermilion Parish saw the introduction of computer-based ballots, opting for this over the traditional pen and paper method. It’s very simple. You enter your information, and tap the candidate of your choice on-screen. But after the realization that this is actually the first ever instance of post-1800’s technology being recorded in the parish, it understandably has locals in a bit of a panic.

“I hast nev’r seen aught liketh it bef’re!”, exclaimed Delcambre resident Ruth Breuer, “’tis not of this world! I can see the evil in it’s eyes. The sounds that it makes, the bright lights that it does possess. We’re all very scared to have this beast in our midst!”

There were also reports that a number of elders ripped one of the machines from a polling-station booth, and took it to a nearby section of the Vermilion River, where the machine was subsequently thrown into the water to see if it would sink or float.

“’tis unholy witchcraft!”, said local Bob Murff, “We threw that Flibbertigibbet into the riv’r to seeth how much of a beldams ’twas. And guesseth what? The beast floated! Our assumptions w’re c’rrect, ’tis the spawn of evil. How can we vote f’r our next leadeth’r using a wicked contraption such as that?”

However state official Eric Welch was hopeful that locals would come around to the new way of voting.

“We completely understand that it takes some people, some areas, to come around to new ways of doing things”, he said, “This whole electronic thing is completely new for the area. We’ll be helping out, and ensuring that these people understand that technology is not out to harm them just yet, and we’ll educate them as best as possible. We’ll get everything running smoothly for them this election season.”

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