BATON ROUGE, LA – A completely fed-up John Bel Edwards reportedly hit desperation point at the governor’s mansion this morning, as he toyed with the idea of just drawing an East-to-West line across the state and putting everything North of it on Craigslist.
Edwards, who’s struggling with balancing the state’s books, played with the idea in his head whilst at the breakfast table.
“You know what, screw this”, he muttered to himself, “This is too much. Way too much. Everything North of Alexandria, it’s going to the highest bidder. Donna?! Donna! You’ve used this Craigslist before, right? Come and show me how it works, I need to sell something.”
The Craigslist ad, which appeared under the ‘Real Estate For Sale’ on Central Louisiana section of the site, was only online for 15 minutes – after his wife Donna allegedly talked him out of it.
“There has got to be other ways to do this, John”, she was reported to have told him, “You can’t just go selling half of the state like it’s a second-hand vehicle! People live there, think about it. You’re only doing this because you’re frustrated and you haven’t had your Cinnamon Toast Crunch yet. Let me get you your Cinnamon Toast Crunch.”
“Jesus Christ Donna, it’s practically Arkansas anyway!” John was alleged to have replied with, “Look, they’re getting it for a pretty fair price in my book. They’ll even get a couple of nice National Forests and stuff. And most importantly it’ll be out of my hair in terms of this whole financial crap. It’s a win-win situation and good for everyone all round. The only thing they can’t have is Neutral Milk Hotel – no deal. I’ll move those guys down to Baton Rouge before any handshake.”
However it seems that Mrs. Edwards talked him out of it, as the ad has now been removed and no official statement released on the purchase of the land.