LAFAYETTE, LA – In what is considered a “really smart freakin’ move” by many experts, a poll conducted today concluded that 93% of the Louisiana residents plan on giving up all hope for a bright and fruitful future for the state this Lent.
Because of financial ruin, budget cuts, the oil crisis, and approximately 8,500 other doom-and-gloom reasons, even Ray Charles can see that the state isn’t in the greatest shape at the moment. And now a record-number of residents plan on taking advantage of this by basically giving themselves a free-ticket into the big man upstairs’ good books.
Lafayette resident and modest Catholic, Emily Waters, explained why this opportunity was too good to turn down.
“I mean, it’s the easiest Lent ever”, she said, “I just have to go about my normal routine, and just make sure the crippling anxiety and nervousness over the future of this great state is somewhere in the back of my mind, which it always is anyway. I’m pretty sure I could give up hope for way longer than 40 days. Do you think that’ll work? If I do this thing for like, a year, do I skip the queue into heaven? It’s worth a shot I guess.”
Father Ralph Bailey, of the Acadiana Church of St. Felicia, said that more and more people are wising up to the idea of an easy Lent – but this year is unlike one he’s ever seen.
“All of my congregation is giving up belief in the state this year”, he said, “Apart from Barbara, who is going to stop watching Family Feud, but she’s a crazy optimist. Everyone else has wised up to the idea that you may as well give up something that you gave up on way before Lent. I honestly believe that God is looking down on these people and thinking “Y’know what, that is super smart. Well played”. The church is going to be behind them all the way. Because, well, we’ve given up hope too, so we’re all in the same boat.”