DUSON, LA – After yet another day of having to close the I-10, authorities today announced that they have decided not to re-open it in an effort to “save time, money and resources – and because we’re soooooo over it”.

The announcement came after a stretch of the highway had to be closed for the 9,429th day running, this time due to a garbage truck catching fire. This was evidently the final straw for local police authorities, as Officer Danny Michael of the Duson Police Department explained.

“After evaluating the scenario and meeting with other police departments in the area, as well as the LDOT (Louisiana Department of Transportation), we just said screw it – we’re not going to re-open the I-10. What’s the point? We’re only going to be closing it again tomorrow for one reason or another. Opening, closing, opening, closing, opening, closing. It’s unreal. And this all costs money, it costs time, and it takes a hell of a lot of man-power. It’s ridiculous.”

Officer Michael also advised motorists on possible alternatives.

“I mean, just take 90 or something. I don’t know, you’re only going to turn that road into a shit-show too. Fly for all I care. I’m over all of this. Done.”

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