NEW ORLEANS, LA – A compromise was reached today between New Orleans city officials and protest groups, who were against the removal of confederate statues around the city. It was confirmed that the monuments WILL be removed – but will be replaced with effigies of New Orleans bounce queen Big Freedia.

Local government official George Perry believes that the compromise is fair all round, and looks forward to moving ahead with the plans.

“I’m just glad it’s all settled to be honest” said Mr. Perry, “We went into the meeting and basically just said “Look, we’re taking all this shit down, y’all need to deal with that. So what, or who, would you want in place of it all?” The answer was unanimously ‘Big Freedia’ so that’s what we’re going to give the people. She’s the queen of bounce. She’s the shining star of our city.”

Local resident Todd Eustice, who was staunchly opposed to the removal of the Civil War heroes, said that he and his fellow protesters are more than delighted with the outcome.

“I don’t think we could have walked out of this meeting with a better end-result” he said, “This conclusion was beyond our wildest dreams. It’ll be sad to wave goodbye to the likes of General Lee, but we couldn’t pass up the chance to walk around this amazing city and see the likes of Big Freedia looking radiant on a forty-foot pedestal. We finally have a place for dedicated twerk parties. We’re all so excited.”

Removal of the monuments is already underway, and the replacement are expected to be in place for the end of the year.

9 COMMENTS

  1. As a home grown New Orleanian, this is a travesty! Who in the hell is Big Freedia and what was her contribution to New Orleans?? These statues have stood for many years, can’t we just leave well enough alone –

      • The Fleur-de-lis was used as punishment to brand runaway slaves. Should that be removed too? Bienville introduced the slave trade to New Orleans. Should his statute come down? Or should we just take up a collection and send you back to history class?

    • You must have left home before Bounce happened. Big Freedia is internationally celebrated, has her own tv-show, has published a book, gives back to her community, and is otherwise a really nice person and puts on a fun show.

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