BATON ROUGE, LA – President Obama threw a curve-ball at the end of his speech in Baton Rouge on Thursday, by announcing that he planned to extend his stay in Louisiana’s capitol by an extra day in order to”check out the area”.
“I heard Baton Rouge has a cool things to do, and I don’t have any pressing matters at the moment, so y’know, I thought me and the guys would stick around and see what’s going on” confirmed the President, “We’re going to be getting Blue Bayou opened for the day so I can hit some of those water slides hard”
And that’s exactly what he did. President Obama started his ‘Free Day Friday’ riding the likes of Lafitte’s Plunge (4 times), the Racers (6 times) and even conquered Azuka twice – in between his down time on the lazy river.
After his morning of water park adventures, he was reported to have moved onto The Chimes for an all-American bar lunch, washed down with numerous pints of one of the distinctly average beers that Louisiana had to offer.
Belly full and semi-buzzed, President Obama allegedly then went to meet Baton Rouge rap native Boosie Badazz (formerly known as Lil’ Boosie) to drop some bars and spit some fiya as a guest rapper on one of his latest tracks.
As the day wore on and evening set in, Obama and his security team were then reported to have made a visit to the Lazer Tag, where they challenged local children to a game. A spokesman denied reports that the security team had forgotten to swap their real weapons for the lazer weapons, describing them as “uhm, inaccurate”.
However, in controversial fashion, the President was seen ending the day at the British-themed Londoner Pub and Grill, a move that allegedly angered many locals who accused him of “Colluding with the Redcoats”.
“How very un-American of him” commented passer-by and Baton Rouge native Barbara Bennett, “Look at him sat there, with his Big Ben Burger and pint of Black Sheep Ale. I bet he ordered some ‘chips’ too. The traitor. He’s one step away from handing this country back over to the monarchy. Before you know it we’ll all be wearing bowler hats and forming orderly queues. This country is falling apart.”
President Obama is now back in Washington, D.C.