BREAUX BRIDGE, LA – After recently revealing that non-religious area man Stephen Peters was mentally conditioning himself for his in-laws’ pre-Christmas meal grace, we are delighted to report today that he has successfully survived the 40-second ordeal, and earned the deserved title of a certified hero.
Mr. Peters, who believes couldn’t have done any more to prepare for the moment, spoke today of his self-pride and strong character that saw him through.
“As soon as I heard those words “Alright, let’s eat!” I… I really can’t put it into words. I knew I’d made it. The hours and hours of training had paid off and it felt so good” he said. “Eminem was right. The key is to lose yourself. Let your mind wander, but allow your body to stay present.”
He also mentioned how the event was actually shorter than predicted – a trend that he hopes will continue.
“I heard that it clocked in at around 34 seconds this year, so it was definitely shorter than last year. Although Aunt Francesca got shipped off to a nursing home and Cousin Rick is on a booze cruise to Panama with some stripper he met a few weeks ago, so they may have been contributing factors. But hey, long may it continue.”
And Mr. Peters even has his eyes set on the next challenge – Easter 2016.
“I mean, that’s going to be a tough nut to crack. Christmas grace is never the biggest ordeal because you’re just celebrating JC’s birthday… but Easter – you’re talking about the guy dying, then coming back to life. That’s some serious shit. I’ve seen Easter grace’s last well over a minute. So it’s going to mean taking the meditation up a notch, but I’m confident in myself. I can do it.”